Saturday, July 2, 2011


It feels like we are right now.  I can't drive my wrecked car, just in case fluids leak and can cause worse damage.  Victor wants us not to be rushed by the insurance company's "machine" that railroads you to go to their authorized body shops.  He and I have both had bad experiences with badly done body repair on wrecked cars.  I told him that I respected his desire to go slowly and find a reputable car repair place that we can trust.  But that's not until Tuesday.

But I can't really leave the house.  Remember the broken garage door?  That's the one that is in front of the car that works--and our bikes.  So I call neighbors to see if I can get a ride to run errands.  No one is home because I suppose it's 4th of July weekend. 

Of course, in the spirit I am not trapped.  When my efforts to struggle to make things happen come to naught, I have to look up and ask my Father what He has intended for today (this weekend for that matter!) My flesh wants convenience, wants things to come easy.  Right now, not much in my life comes effortlessly.  Why do we even think life will be like that? 

Victor is now being honest about his pain. It is hard for anyone to admit they are disabled who is independent and isn't used to having to depend on others.  He tells me his back feels like a hot iron is poking him (3rd lumbar- low back). He has numbing in the right hand and can't hear well out of one ear.  Not to mention the ribs or shoulder blade pain.  The kids and I can only imagine.

My son gets frustrated because his dad sits on the couch in pain (watching tv to get his mind off of it) where he wants to be playing video games on the Wii. Mark gets irritated that Daddy asks him to bring him water, etc.  I know he's only 11, but I wish he had a bit more compassion or understanding.  I pray that will come for all of us.  Compassion, I'm seeing, is something from above.  Our natural compassion just isn't enough for the long haul like this. Intellectually and spiritually, I can see that we are growing, but we all four need lots of grace, because we fail to be loving every day.   But we also succeed a bit each day too.

I am rereading a book on Psalm 91.  I have begun to pray this Psalm again.  I can't believe I haven't been praying it everyday since the accident first happened.  You better believe I'm doing it now.  My friend gave me Psalm 20 when I called her right after the accident yesterday.  I prayed it while I was waiting for the policeman to arrive.
Psalm 20
 1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
   may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
   and grant you support from Zion.
3 May he remember all your sacrifices
   and accept your burnt offerings.
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
   and make all your plans succeed.
5 May we shout for joy over your victory
   and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

   May the LORD grant all your requests.
 6 Now this I know:
   The LORD gives victory to his anointed.
  He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
   with the victorious power of his right hand.
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
   but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
   but we rise up and stand firm.
9 LORD, give victory to the king!
   Answer us when we call!

I don't know how people do it without God's help.

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